To the tune of: Sugar Ray - Fly All around the world, fast food looks good to me You know how much I love food But I just need a snack, I am not that hungry So I head to McDonalds Some fries should make me full (And I say) IIIIIIIIII just want some fries No, I don't want a hamburger, No, I don't want a Coke either IIIIIIIIII just want some fries You might say that they're bad for me But the taste will drive you crazy.. Yeah Munch a little faster Soon they'll disappear The taste will take you hostage, want to chew them again When I want something to eat I head across the street Soon I will be full 'Cause there's a McDonalds (And I say) IIIIIIIIII just want some fries No, I don't want a hamburger, No, I don't want a Coke either IIIIIIIIII just want some fries It just takes one taste to tell That they make 'em salty as hell IIIIIIIIII just want some fries[etc...] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune off The Offspring - Gone Away Maybe in another song You'd hear what I sing But my band is playing so loud You can't hear anything [Chorus:] AND I SCREAM AND I SCREAM SO YOU HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND I SCREAM AND I SCREAM BUT IT'S NO USE AS MY VOICE IS DROWNED AWAY..(loud music) [End Chorus] I reached for the amp And pulled out the plug But they stole it back Uh oh [repeat Chorus] [sounds of band playing while fighting over amp] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of Ozzy Osbourne - Paranoid Playing my Nintendo and I haven't been to school in days Think I'm going to flunk out when I always used to get straight As People say I have no social life, I tell you I don't know Haven't showered in a week and my best friend is Mario Can you help me? I'm stuck on Level 3 Oh, yeah.. I need someone to show me that thing in life they call "outside" People say its difficult, but with my Game Boy I'm all right o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of Bon Jovi - Wanted, Dead or Alive It acts the same Only the case has changed Everyone says it looks really lame I should be glad I got the latest thing I get the thought Something's missing I'm a Mac boy, Got a new box last night And it came with No Floppy Drive No Floppy Drive (No Floppy Drive) No Floppy Drive I can't find it (I can't find) No Floppy Drive No Floppy Dri-i-ive No Floppy Drive o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Rammstein - Du Hast. (Note: Please don't ask about this one) [repeat 5 times] foo foo bar foo bar baz [end repeat] foo bar baz! foo bar baz quux blarg foo bar baz quux blarg foo bar baz quux blarg moo fnord zxc flarp thud snork bob grault toto mumble wibble zot flup Fred and Barney nie! nie! o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Fallen Aeon - In The Wake of the Dark Feed them at the pond Bread has some mold Don't you feed them Alka-Seltzer or The birds will explode They don't want your mouldy bread Now they're eating you instead These birds come from Satan, Hell's a city park Your soul is lost The birds are cross In the wake of the Duck, All is lost... [Quack quack quaquaquack to the tune of the chords] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Collective Soul - All We don't try to hide Our attitude We don't care about being rude We take swipes at Intel and Microsoft We're not impartial If you want news, Bollocks is all we will give you Bollocks is all we print Bollocks is all that you wish for Reading our news We don't doublecheck our rumour mills Confirming them is Too much work Bollocks is all we will give you Bollocks is all we print Bollocks is all that you wish for Reading our news We get Flames of the Week And we have Simon (Tra-vag-li-aaaa) We're not reputatable But we beat ZeeDee Bollocks is all we will give you Bollocks is all we print Bollocks is all that you wish for Reading our news Bollocks is all we will give you Bollocks is all we print Bollocks is all that you wish for Reading our news o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Abney Park - The Change Cage I found myself at the arcade Watching the games that people played Look over their shoulders I see the games I like, these are good Smash TV, and Area 88 Ninja Turtles, Pac-Man and Chinagate All these great games, these electronic thrills They take quarters I have only dollar bills [Chorus] I need the CHANGE MACHINE (whirr..clatter) put a dollar in it gives you four quarters back I need the CHANGE MACHINE (whirr..clatter) I wanna play Street Fighter so give me my four quarters [End Chorus] Five hours later, beaten every game here I'm the game master, my skillz you should ph33r Now I'm thirsty, but I am in luck There's a soda vending machine right down the next block Oh no, I'm in some trouble It's 50 cents but I'm on my last quarter I know what I need, head back to the arcade Now I have to get some change so I can have a drink [repeat Chorus] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Sublime - Same in the End Down in Windows land where your OS crashes all the time A good operating system is hard to find Mine bluescreened once too much and now it's dead I think I'm gonna install Linux instead Back up it all Wipe it clean Load a new system on my machine It's a hella fine way to spend your day Ooh, When I make it run I might Be playing Quake 3 Deathmatch all night If I get it working right It doesn't see what I want it to see My second hard drive and my modem don't exist What's this? It just hanged Why does it do this? I don't know I read the docs to find out what to do The most recent doc's dated '92 Get down on my knees and start to pray, oh! Pray this kernel panic goes away It's not hard to understand This ain't Bill Gates's master plan Just need to learn to use man Ooh, When I make it run I might Be playing Quake 3 Deathmatch all night If I get it working right It doesn't see what I want it to see And these damn useless docs don't tell me a thing Maybe I should try BeOS instead 'cause setting up Linux is a pain in the neck o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Natilie Merchant - Carnival I've browsed this web in a trail of clicks And Unix keys crossing across nations having conversations with pen pals overseas I made a post At two at night Called Bush a dork Wasn't really thinking I hit the return key now there's agents at my door Am I being logged? Am I being spied? Is my background and my whole life Scrutinized Analyzed By FBI machines By that machine Carnivore By that Carnivore.. o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Judy Collins - Raised on Rock and Roll Oh, Oh, I was raised on Rush Limbaugh Oh, and that loony killed my soul I've been Right since I was young Against freedom for anyone Praising Reagan and Ollie too Never noticing just what they'd do I have an ego and I have to lie Fighting against reason Even strong arguments don't apply If they don't help Republicans Oh, Oh, I was raised on Rush Limbaugh Oh, and that loony killed my soul On the Web a home I've found I call the Freep my haunting ground When someone talks who has a clue We shout him down, never try to rebut Even my ego has to fall sometimes Fighting against reason So I just read the Washington Times And fill my head with lies again Oh, Oh, I was raised on Rush Limbaugh o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Nickelback - (whatever that popular song of theirs is called) Tried to listen to some music Clear Channel's running every station Flipped the dial to the AM There is nothing but news on that end And this is how they remind me This is how they remind me to download mp3s MTV is boring It's nothing but corporate whoreing VH1 Plays no songs And they haven't since '97 All I want All I need Is to hear some nice melodies Flip through my TV set, see Are they playing songs yet? Yet, yet, yet, no no Tried to listen to some music Clear Channel's running every station and this is how they remind me to download mp3s o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Billy Joel - Piano Man It's 3 o'clock on a Tuesday You're one very lazy admin So you fire up Netscape and visit a site That is named after punctuation You read comments of varying quality On the information industry But there's one that is neat and an interesting feat That's been modded to negative 3 Oh, la la la la de dah la la la de dah dah dah [Chorus:] Sit on your whang, you're the Penis Bird Sit on your whang tonight Well we're all in the mood for a -1 And you've got Rob feeling uptight [End Chorus] Now Signal 11's a friend of mine He gives me my +1s for free And I give him some more, 'cause he's a karma whore But there's someplace that he'd rather be He says, "Bill, I believe they've caught onto me", As his karma fell into a ditch, "But I'm sure that I could troll on kuro5hin If rusty wasn't such a bitch" Oh, la la la de de dah la la la de dah dah dah Now Katz is a wannabe novelist Who always has too much to write And Mae Ling Mak would make a nice snack If she was naked and petrified And BOredAtWork's practicing politics As the comment threads fast overflow Sengan gets impeached, CowboyNeal succeeds Hemos the Hamster on polls [repeat Chorus] It's a pretty good crowd in slash IRC As the #trolltalk kids wickedly smile 'Cause they know that it's scripts that they're trying to beat To DOS the site for a while And the Penis Bird pops up in comment sigs As the goatse.cx guy hides here and there And they scare weak of heart and become ASCII art As the good AC posters despair Oh, la la la de de dah la la da de dah dah dah [repeat Chorus] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Dave Matthews Band - Crash You watch where you click on the Web There are some sites you don't want to hit You might get a virus my friend If you download and run trojans EXEs you should not run If you don't know where they're from If it's got a virus then you're screwed And it could crash Your PC And format it tooooo And format it too Windows hides file extensions so You can't tell what you're clicking on It looks like a jpeg to you But it could crash Your PC, yeah. Baby... And format it too Netstat shows you have ports open They're not from any software that you own It looks like some kid put SubSeven on your PC And he could crash Your PC, yeah. Baby... and format it too Get yourself a virus scanner And inspect everything, oh baby, yeah Get yourself a virus scanner And inspect everything on your PC Why should you run your system in fear? To run nothing would be boring as hell So back up your system the way you ought to be Before something could crash your PC, oh yeah could crash your PC, baby (Crash your PC) Yeah, Oh no, don't open that file You know, Your PC is your castle Virus writers are assholes who'll crash your PC they try to crash your PC Baby With all their buggy EXEs and their trojans they will try to crash your PC Oh yes, they're going to try to crash your PC Oh yes, they're going to try to crash your PC I once saw a file called BIGHOOTERS.EXE and I clicked on it and it crashed my PC (crashed my PC) Oh, and it crashed my PC, yeah o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: ACDC - Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution Hey there all you hungry men Let's go out for some fast food And while we're out there, get something cheap But let's not get something I can't eat 'cause Taco Bell ain't good eatin' man, to me, it just tastes like shit Help us decide where we should go out for some lunch We're on a budget and we don't have a car We just want something to eat that doesn't cost too much Taco Bell? No, let's not go there [Chorus:] Talk about good eating? Forget about that place! You're not gonna like it Taco Bell ain't good nutrition Taco Bell ain't food at all Taco Bell is insufficient Taco Bell, it just tastes like hell, yes it does [end Chorus] I took a peek inside your bedroom door You looked so hungry and unfed I asked you if you wanted to get a hamburger You said you wanted Taco Bell instead [grimace and Repeat Chorus] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: The Doobie Brothers - China Grove Of all the dirty tricksters in Washington DC There's one they fear the most He makes Richard Nixon look like Jimmy C plays the dirtiest tricks around Who else could get away With playing dirty tricks on the CIA? Well we're talking 'bout (talking 'bout) Karl Rove (Karl Rove) Whoa-oh-oh Whoa-oh Karl Rove When Fox News tells you Jesse Jackson hates blacks and Patrick Leahy hates Catholics and Joe Lieberman is an anti-semite and Geraldine Ferarro's a misogynist pig And they say it with such a straight face Who could think up such a disgrace? We're talking 'bout (talking 'bout) Karl Rove (Karl Rove) Whoa-oh-oh Whoa-oh Karl Rove And California elects a Nazi as Governor who hates women and Latinos too He's promised more blackouts 'cause he won't fight fraud The media calls him a moderate guy And they gerrymandered the Lone Star State People don't seem to care they just keep on watching their TVs We're talking 'bout (talking 'bout) Karl Rove (Karl Rove) Whoa-oh-oh Whoa-oh Karl Rove o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: The Doobie Brothers - Rockin' Down The Highway Gotta reboot, can't you see the blue screen? I don't wanna use this system no more Always having trouble with this old machine It's an old klunky DX4 And we're spending so much money On contractors to keep it up It screws up And it locks up Gotta reboot it after every night Whooa, running Windows NT Whooa, running Windows NT Whooa, running Windows NT Whooa, running Windows NT Out of control memory leaks The keyboard's not responding and that ain't good Hard drive thrashes like a washing machine It's gonna hang, I know it's screwed I want to kick this old box right out through the window It screws up And it locks up Gotta reboot it after every night Whooa, running Windows NT Whooa, running Windows NT Whooa, running Windows NT Whooa, running Windows NT o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Eminem - Without Me Two CS freshmen up hacking all night hacking all night hacking all night Two CS freshmen up hacking all night hacking all night hacking all night Gonna hack Keep hacking Gonna hack Drink caffiene Gonna hack Gonna hack Gonna hack Gonna hack Gonna hack Gonna hack Gonna hack na na na Enh enh enh enh enh enh na na na Enh enh enh enh You think you're a programmer? Well you've never used a debugger before You're a newbie! Here's news, kid: If you wanna hack code you gotta debug it 'cause your code will have bugs and you'll need to fix it So your process is stopped on an infinite loop On some operation where an iterator's not incrementing And when you fix that bug you get segmentation faults 'cause your strings are not NUL-terminated Hey! It's no time to get frustrated 'cause your CS 10 course left you uneducated I know your boss wants it done tomorrow So here are some programming tips you can borrow When you're doing something this easy The bug won't be in gcc So try to track it down with gdb And I hope you compiled with -g So, come on kid, print out your listings Sit down, load the core file and twiddle the bits Set breakpoints, and check all your branchings And check all of the values in memory [Chorus:] Now if you want to hack in C Then you'd better learn gdb 'cause you'll dump core eventually And I hope you compiled with -g I said, if you want to hack in C Then you'd better learn gdb 'cause you'll dump core eventually And I hope you compiled with -g [End Chorus] Little hackers, beginner programmers Embarassed your teachers are still using Windows? You don't need Linux to find out why you're crashin' Use CygWin or MingWin and pretend it's a penguin Dev-CPP's a nice IDE It's not Anjuta, but it works for what you need No floppies, keep your software on the 'net And get it with Putty if you don't know CVS A bash script can't necessarily be used on tcsh or ported from Be And Perl? It's like blowing in your modem *pfft* -- look, it's a regex! You can't debug that And nobody can write standalone apps in PHP And does anyone even use Python or Ruby? There's no reason to code in assembly These days when you can do it in C *pfft* Attention PHBs C++ is something you don't need Too complex, you might as well use C printf() just has cout plain beat [repeat Chorus] Now Visual Basic's a piece of shit Even the data validation functions crash in it, a piece of trash language ASP's begging to have your website hacked And Java? It runs so slow, like lava The VM takes an hour to load And configuration, you get write once, run nowhere Unhandled exception: this language blows! And C# is an obvious ripoff Its Java without the interoperability So big deal, it does XML like everything else MS sycophants pretending it's something respectful There are some times it seems to me That everybody ought to hack in C This must mean that C is neat And C is not yet obsolete Hey, I'm not saying that C is supreme It lacks garbage collection and some other things Just know what language features you'll need And use whatever will provide these So hey, here's a concept that works Twenty million computer languages emerge But no matter how well they fit your needs There will always be a place for C [repeat Chorus] Na na na na na... Na na na na na... Na na na na na... Na na na na [repeat] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: The Moody Blues - I'm Just A Singer Worst BOFH on the face of this earth I have so many users who don't get their machines And when these lusers show their negative worth Then I'll cut off their access intermittitently So if you have a flash drive and don't know where to stick it I can tell you just what to do (Don't tell me!) I'm just a sysop on a small Netware LAN Worst BOFH on the face of this earth I have so many leaf nodes on my NDS tree A thousand objects are securing my job No one else understands it, so they have to keep me So if you have a flash drive and don't know where to stick it I can tell you just what to do (Don't tell me!) I'm just a sysop on a small Netware LAN Why can't you understand? Files on the temp share you don't save to the server are destroyed on Sundays Change your password every season Double clicking doesn't mean both buttons Don't hack the network! Don't hack the network o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Don Henley - The End of the Innocence Political gurus have A new brand of philosophy Its only opposition is Eight thousand years of history But our newsmens' warning system fails It's been poisoned by these fairy tales And we'll see what it all entails Since they came in to power [Chorus:] So let's find a place where we can go Still untouched by government The Ivory Coast or Somalia Bosnia or Sudan You can privatize the air we breathe Pollute anywhere you please Don't spend one dime on defense 'Cause this is the Rand... This is the Rand... of the idiots [End Chorus] The gray pollution in our skies Will respect property lines Our police would be more fair and just If they put themselves before protecting us These Mid-East wars can soon be solved We'll just give them all atomic bombs Then they'll call each other friends Since that is what we want [repeat Chorus] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Mamas and the Papas - California Dreaming All the cars are huge And the drivers untrained When the light is red They'll go anyway I'd feel safe on this road In an M-1A California driving is fucking insane An SUV cut me off Driving in the left lane And then he pulled out a handgun And started calling me names When I called the police They told me this refrain: California driving is fucking insane o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Madonna - Broken I made a joke which I thought was quite neat Now my computer's a smouldering heap It's broken Since I got slashdotted My server platform just got a big test It turns out Win98's not the best It's broken Since I got slashdotted Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm Got linked to by Slashdot Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm Got more hits than I thought Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm I've got a blue screen Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm Broke... my... machine... My bandwith bill is going to be a mess My DSL line can't handle the stress It's broken Since I got slashdotted I should have done more to prepare for this The server logs have filled up my hard disk It's broken Since I got slashdotted Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm Got linked to by Slashdot Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm Got more hits than I thought Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm I've got a blue screen Mmmmmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmmm Broke... my... machine.. o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of: Abney Park - Kine Look at all of the e-mails Move down, move up I'm gonna check my email Log on, bring it up This is where I e-mail myself and I show that I'm not blind I haven't learned Mutt yet so I'm still using Pine Still a console geek and Elm just stinks Still a console geek and Elm just stinks No fear the Lovesan worm No gifs, no pr0n No fear the Lovesan worm No gifs, no pr0n [repeat, etc] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` And now, for some quickies: To the tune of: Nine Inch Nails - Head Like a Hole Head like a hole Bill Gates has no soul You put on Windows And he takes control Bow down before the one you serve.. o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` Remember how when Metallica's new album came out, and they were supposed to suck because they cut their hair? Like they're Samson or something. Well, here's a quickie bit along those lines: To the tune of: Metallica - The Memory Remains We once were great And now we ain't But we're still playin' 'Cause The Memory Remains! [oldladyvoice]Me-e-e-taa-lica sucks[etc] [endmusic] So, if the New Metallica's so bad, then certain people who didn't like the Old Metallica.. such as, say, your parents.. will hear this new stuff and think, well, that old stuff wasn't so bad after all... To the tune of: Metallica - Unforgiven 2 Our past songs When you'd hear You hoped that we'd disappear You even got our T-shirts banned from school.. Yeah, But this verse Is so much worse Every time you hear it hurts You can't believe.. But you realize it's true This song makes Unforgiven cool o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` To the tune of Cracker - Low [Chorus:] Hey - And the screen was blue again Blue background with grey hex codes I've seen this happen a million times before A million times, a million times Reboot your box girl Your work is blown Hey hey hey, you crashed Windows [End Chorus] o/` o/` o/` o/` o/` Here's one with some local flavour: To the tune of Christine Aguwhatever - Genie in a Bottle If you want to be with me Then log on to my PC I'm a weenie in Novato A Marin super geek I'm just a weenie from Novato baby.. ... I work in San Francisco! Hacking database code!