Character names: Inuyasha -- Inu-gadda Kagome -- Cockamamie Miroku -- Moronkook Sango -- Stankho Kikyo -- Kinkyho Shippou -- Spitball ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SPITBALL: "Hey, guys, Cockamamie's back from the 21st century!" COCKAMAMIE: "Hi, fellas! I'm back! Who's up for some adventuring?" ALL ELSE: "Where's the junk food?" COCKAMAMIE: "I'm glad I'm so appreciated here." [Everyone's munching on junk food. Cockamamie rubs Inu-Gadda's ears then hops on his lap and pulls out a brown bag labeled "Rx".] COCKAMAMIE: "Inu-Gadda, I have something I think you'd like a lot better than junk food... though, you wouldn't know what this is anyway." INU-GADDA: [munching on milk-bones] "Hey, Cockamamie, don't bother me when I'm trying to eat!" COCKAMAMIE: "Why doesn't he seem to notice or care that I'm crawling all over him?" STANKHO: "He's still stuck on his old girlfriend Kinkyho, who died fifty years ago." COCKAMAMIE: "How can she still be on his mind after so long?" MORONKOOK: "She's right here." [points to the side] KINKYHO: "Stay away from my man, bitch!" COCKAMAMIE: "How'd she die, Moronkook?" MORONKOOK: "He killed her." INU-GADDA: "No I didn't! It was some other guy who looked like me!" MORONKOOK: "Yeah, right. 'Some other guy who looked like me.' Sure, Inu-Gadda." INU-GADDA: "No, really!" COCKAMAMIE: "Wow. Inu-Gadda killed his last girlfriend." INU-GADDA: "No, I didn't!" COCKAMAMIE: [starry-eyed] "That makes me want him even more!" SPITBALL: "Uhh, how does that work again?" MORONKOOK: "About the same way I think grabbing Stankho's ass all the time is going to make her like me." [Moronkook grabs Stankho's ass. Stankho slugs him into next week.] STANKHO: "Pervert! Aren't you supposed to be a priest?" COCKAMAMIE: "Interesting. According to the newspapers, all the priests where I'm from are perverts too." [A bunch of demons show up.] INU-GADDA: "Demons are attacking!" COCKAMAMIE: "Where do all these demons come from, anyway?" MORONKOOK: "Well, if they don't teach you that in the future--" [Stankho slaps Moronkook] INU-GADDA: "The truth is, we need to fight all these demons in order to get boys to watch a show that's really about relationships!" MORONKOOK: "What, all the misogyny on this show isn't enough for them?" [Moronkook grabs Stankho's ass. She floors him.] SPITBALL: "Stankho, you knocked out Moronkook!" INU-GADDA: "We needed him to fight the demons!" STANKHO: "Well, then, we'll need extra help. Come, Kielbasa!" [Kielbasa appears, leaping through the air.] KIELBASA: "Mrrrrow!" JOHN MADDEN: "When I feel the itching and burning of athlete's foot, I use -- Boom! -- fast-acting Kinatkin!" [he sprays it on Kielbasa's forepaws, which are extinguished] "Kinatkin destroys the fungus which causes athlete's foot on contact, providing quick relief --" [Kielbasa blinks at its paws, then chomps and swallows Madden in one gulp.] STANKHO: "Alright, Kielbasa, let's destroy these demons!" [Kielbasa licks its crotch.] STANKHO: "Kielbasa, fight the demons! Come on, Kielbasa!" MORONKOOK: [getting up] "Stankho, you're trying to give orders to a cat." STANKHO: "I guess we'll have to take care of the demons ourselves!" [Stankho throws her boomerang at the demons, slicing through several in one shot. Giant pixelated numbers show up as each demon bursts apart. 200-400-800-2000-4000-8000-1UP!] STANKHO: "Yes!" MORONKOOK: "I'll use my wind tunnel to dispose of the lesser demons!" [A bunch of demons are sucked into the wind tunnel in Moronkook's hand. One of them lodges in the tunnel, a slimly tail and hindlegs sticking out of his hand. Moronkook grabs a plunger and starts applying it to the demon's hindquarters.] MORONKOOK: "Damn it, I hate it when this happens." STANKHO: "Wait. Is that the hand you're always grabbing my ass with?" MORONKOOK: "Sometimes." STANKHO: "Eww!" INU-GADDA: "I'll attack the big demon with my Sword of Compensation!" [Inu-Gadda draws the sword, which grows several times larger as he holds it at his crotch.] ALL THE GIRLS: "Ooooh!" [Inu-Gadda leaps up and slams the sword into the demon's skull. Annoyed, the demon flicks him to the ground.] KINKYHO: "Great, I have to save all your weak asses again. I'm *dead* and I'm still stronger than you all." [points at the demon, and it disappears in a poof of smoke] "And now I've used too much power to stay materialized and I'll have to go steal energy from some other souls again." [disappears in a poof of smoke] [COCKAMAMIE slides up to INU-GADDA] COCKAMAMIE: "My turn!" MORONKOOK: "Hey, I got that problem in my hand cleared up, so..." [Moronkook grabs Stankho's ass] STANKHO: "Hey! You bastard! You can take that hole in your hand and--" [Cockamamie covers Spitball's ears, and you just see Stankho shouting and gesticulating while Cockamamie and Inu-Gadda flinch and turn red. Stankho finally stops shouting, and Cockamamie lets go.] MORONKOOK: [smugly] "I already do." STANKHO: "...PERVERT!" [starts kicking Moronkook's ass] COCKAMAMIE: "Well, I love adventuring and killing demons with you guys, but all the time I've been spending here is really affecting my grades." SPITBALL: "Hey! Someone else is coming through the well!" [Two police officers climb out of the well.] POLICE OFFICER: "Excuse me, is there a Mr. Inu-Gadda here?" INU-GADDA: "Yes?" [The officers cuff him.] POLICE OFFICER: "Mr. Inu-Gadda, you are under arrest for contributing to the delinquency of a minor--" INU-GADDA: "What!?" POLICE OFFICER: "-- and on suspicion of statutory rape." INU-GADDA: "Hey! I didn't even--" POLICE OFFICER: "Yeah, you can tell that to the judge." POLICE OFFICER 2: "She's still in high school, you sick freak." INU-GADDA: "You can't do this to me! I..I'm a half-demon!" [In the background, Stankho is pounding Moronkook into the ground with her boomerang.] STANKHO: "Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!" SPITBALL: "Man, I am *never* having a relationship when I grow up!"