Justice Link - Uninspired

Uniform Modifications:

  Stupidman's logo is a question mark or whatever looks funniest
in a situation. Same for Stupidchick.
  Underwear Woman's outfit more blatantly resembles womens' underwear
  Splat-Man's logo includes tire tracks on the bat
  The Flush's logo is a spiral with a lightning bolt appropriately
placed at the top left to resemble a toilet handle
  The Gray Headlamp's logo is a goatse

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Intro cutscenes:

Stupidman uses his x-ray vision to peer through a building, sees
a woman in a bathtub in one room and a mad scientist building
a giant robot in the next room, looks back at the woman before
someone slaps him. Alternately, use the Mad gag where he lifts
a large ship out of the water and it shears in two from its
own weight and his upward force.

Stupidchick is on a couch talking on the telephone while the
other heroes are starting out the door in a hurry. She holds up
a finger, talks, and laughs. 

Underwear Woman hides in a department store by pretending to be
a mannequin, jumps a supervillain as they walk past. 

Stupidman, Stupidchick, and Underwear Woman are deflecting
machine gun fire and smiling widely. When the volley ends, they
turn and you see Splat-Man's boots in the air, smoke rising from
the ground. Alternately, see Splat-Man jump for a rope, miss,
and fall between buildings like Wile E. Coyote.

The Flush runs down a street, popping up a manhole lid, and spins
around a bunch of villains, whirling them into the hole and closing
the lid above them.

J'oh B'loh with other heroes walks into a warehouse. A bunch of
giant robots appear. J'oh smiles, waves, and disappears into
the floor as the robots start pounding on the other heroes.

The Gray Headlamp makes a magic paddle to spank a supervillain
or something. {Haven't got teh funny for this one yet.}

The Brown Bowsman fires an arrow with an absurdly large head. The
head opens up and a tiny bow and arrow pops out and fires at
the target.


---------------


--- Scene: Recruiting

STUPIDMAN: "The Justice Link is not going to be just a small group
anymore. We're going big. We are going to recruit as many superheroes
as possible into the new and improved Justice Link. I want us to have
so many heroes that there's no room in the show for the human-interest
storylines that make the audience like a character and tune in to
see them. Who are the next prospective superheroes?" 

DORK and SCHMUCK walk in, in civilian mode.

STUPIDMAN: "Okay, who are you two?"

DORK: "DORK!!!"

SCHMUCK: "SCHMUCK!!!"

DORK and SCHMUCK transform.

SCHMUCK: "I am the stereotype epitome of the AGGRESSIVE, ANGRY,
VIOLENT, WARMONGERING, right-wing FREAK! What are you looking at,
Stupidman!? DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, STUPIDMAN? HUH? DO YA?"

STUPIDMAN: [turns to DORK] "Uhhh, and who are you?"

DORK: "I'm a latte-sipping ultraliberal peacenik, and I make a nice
quiche! Let's have a homosexual marriage!"

STUPIDMAN: "Do either of you have superpowers?"

DORK and SCHMUCK: "We are incredibly annoying!"

STUPIDMAN: "Well, it worked for the Wonder Twits. You're in."

FLUSH: "The Wonder Twits actually had superpowers, though, didn't
they?"

STUPIDMAN: "Oh, that's right. They were so annoying, I forgot
about that. Sorry, you're out."

UNDERWEAR WOMAN: "But Splat-Man doesn't have superpowers either,
and he's in."

FLUSH: "He's right here, too."

STUPIDMAN: "Oh, yeah. Okay, you're in."



--- Scene: Telephone

The telephone rings. Stupidman picks it up.

STUPIDMAN: "Hey, this is the Justice Link."

GENERAL: "Stupidman! Terrorists have hijacked several jumbo jets
and are planning to crash them into the Capitol! We need the
Justice Link!"

STUPIDMAN: "Do the terrorists have superpowers?"

GENERAL: "No, not as far as we know.."

STUPIDMAN: "Are they going to blow up the world, or just the Capitol?"

GENERAL: "No, just D.C..."

STUPIDMAN: "Are any of our regular supervillains involved, like 
Luckless Loser?"

GENERAL: "No, but Stupidman..."

STUPIDMAN: "I'm sorry, we're the new and improved Justice Link.
We only fight against supervillians, aliens, and plots to blow up
the world. Something as mundane as a few terrorists hijacking
an airliner or two is really beneath us."

GENERAL: "Stupidman... do you remember what happened the last time
you said that?"

STUPIDMAN: "Oh... yeah. Okay, we'll help you out, but just this once."


--- Scene: Capitol, evacuating Congress. Political humour time.


STUPIDMAN: "Alright, this is the plan. First, we evacuate Congress.
Second, we stop the airplanes."

BROWN BOWSMAN: "Here's an idea. Why don't we just stop the airplanes
first, and then we won't have to evacuate Congress?"

STUPIDMAN: "I'm the one in charge here! Don't argue with me!"

BROWN BOWSMAN: "Whatever you say..."


A horde of old men chases Underwear Women out of the Capitol.

FLUSH: "We just got here, and Underwear Woman has already
cleaned out half of Congress."

BROWN BOWSMAN: "Good. Now we just have to evacuate the Democrats."

DORK and SCHMUCK escort John Kerry out, each superhero's facial
expression alternating between joy and dismay as Kerry speaks.

KERRY: "I understand the need for strength, but I don't think violence
is always the right solution, except when we need it, which isn't
always the case, depending on the circumstances."

FLUSH: "Look at that. Dork and Schmuck are completely boggled
by that guy."

BROWN BOWSMAN: "Yeah.. they can't decide whether that Senator Kerry
is more of a Dork or a Schmuck."

STUPIDMAN: "Has anyone seen Stupidchick?"

BROWN BOWSMAN: "Last I saw, she was driving home with Senator Kennedy."

STUPIDMAN: "That's not good. She could be in trouble. She's not old
enough to drive yet and I don't think she has a license."

UNDERWEAR WOMAN: "We've got all of Congress away safely. Now to stop
the airplanes!"

UNDERWEAR WOMAN and STUPIDMAN fly into the air.


--- Scene: Airplanes

STUPIDMAN flies into the airplane head on, exiting the rear in a cloud
of debris with the nosecone in his hand.

STUPIDMAN: "Damned laws of physics!"

The BROWN BOWSMAN shoots an arrow up. Its head opens and launches
a net which wraps around the plane, and a tiny parachute pops open,
gently gliding the jet to the ground.

STUPIDMAN: "Hey! How come they let you do that?"

BROWN BOWSMAN: "I'm just a guy with a bow and arrow. Even Splat-man
gets a fancy car. They've got to relax the rules on me if I'm going
to have a chance at competing."

STUPIDMAN: "Underwear Woman must have taken care of the other plane,
wherever she is. Splat-man! Flush! It's up to you to stop that last
airplane!"

FLUSH looks up, realises his only power is super speed, and uses it
to get the hell out of the way.

SPLAT-MAN stares up at the airplane with a totally dejected look
on his face, which the view slowly zooms in on for emphasis.

Suddenly the airplane is engulfed in a gray light as the 
GRAY FLASHBULB uses his powers to stop the plane and
impale it on the Washington Monument.

GRAY FLASHBULB: "You guys could have at least called to wake me up.
I had to find out about this on TV."

UNDERWEAR WOMAN shows up.

STUPIDMAN: "Underwear Woman! You're back! Where have you been?"

UNDERWEAR WOMAN: "The terrorist pilot's head exploded when he saw
me, so I landed the plane myself. It's been a while since I did
any piloting, so I figured I needed the practice. Before I learned
to fly on my own like Stupidman, I used to have an invisible airplane."

BROWN BOWSMAN: "Was that to go with your invisible clothes?"

UNDERWEAR WOMAN: "Yep! I'm really wearing a dress!"

FLUSH zips forward and feels a few inches around her.

FLUSH: "Hey! She is!"
 

--- Scene: Ending

J'OH B'LOH: "All right, Justice Link. I've got a really important
announcement to make. Things are going to be very difficult for us
from now on. We've got competition."

STUPIDMAN: "New supervillans?"

UNDERWEAR WOMAN: "Another alien invasion?"

J'OH B'LOH: "No, competition from other shows: Fattas S.O.B.,
Scruu-Yu Hokeyshow, Dragon Nutz, Gawdam Squad. Every one of them
has better writing and more interesting characters than we do."

FLUSH: "Wait. Even Dragon Nutz?"

J'OH B'LOH: "Unfortunately, yes. If we're going to survive this,
we'd better shape up, because we're in for the fight of our lives!"