Teeny Tightsclads Characters: Robin -- Birdie Starfire -- Fartfire Cyborg -- Cydork Beast Boy -- Yeast Boy Raven -- Raver ------------------------------------------------------------------------ BIRDIE: "Won't deliver?! What do you mean, unsanitary!?" Birdie slams down the phone and starts wading through the thigh-deep pile of used condoms and empty food containers towards the door. RAVER: [floating above the mess] "Maybe we should clean up the place." FARTFIRE: "Yeah. It's getting kinda icky." BIRDIE: "Hah! Clean our room? We're teenagers and this is our secret teenager hideout!" CYDORK: "Not much of a secret. The building's fifty feet tall." BIRDIE: "Still, the point stands. We're teenagers and we don't have to clean our room." YEAST BOY: [hanging on the ceiling] "So we're going out to eat? I call shotgun!" CYDORK: "Dude, you're the ride. None of us drive yet." YEAST BOY: "Aw, man!" On their way back to headquarters, the Teeny Tightsclads notice flashing police lights up ahead. CYDORK: "Something's wrong, guys." FARTFIRE: "Where's our headquarters?" The group stands in shock as there is only a large pile of rubble and debris where the Tightsclads' headquarters once stood. Fartfire cries on Birdie's shoulder. BIRDIE: "What evil supervillain could have done this to us?" POLICE OFFICER: "Well, it looks like the building was constructed with all the weight at the top. If you're going to blame anybody, you might as well blame Sir Isaac Newton." Meanwhile in England, Sir Isaac Newton cackles menacingly, floating an apple above his outstretched palm and his cloak waving elegantly as he turns. A large, fancy, high-tech machine is in the background. NEWTON: "Yes! My gravity beam works! With the Teeny Tightsclads destroyed in their headquarters, now nobody can stop me from my ultimate plan to destroy the world by using the force of gravity to pull the moon down upon the Earth!" BIRDIE: "We'll stop you, Sir Isaac Newton!" NEWTON: "The Tightsclads! How did you get here so fast?" BIRDIE: "We flew." FARTFIRE: [sweating and exhausted] "And boy, are my arms tired." CYDORK: "She carried me the whole way." NEWTON: "So are you feeling a little heavy, hero?" The apple in Newton's hand glows and the machine behind him turns on. The wind kicks up as all the Tightsclads are pulled towards it. Cydork screams as he is picked up off the ground and falls helplessly through the air until he is planted upside-down on the side of the machine. NEWTON: "And now I have a little something you girls will like..." The apple above Newton's hand glows again and turns a bright yellow. NEWTON: [throws the apple] "Kallisti!" BIRDIE: "Don't look at it!" Fartfire's and Raver's eyes glaze over and they chase the rolling apple. When they approach it, it suddenly explodes in a wave of smoke. Coughing, the two fall to the floor. YEAST BOY: "I'll stop you, Sir Isaac Newton!" Yeast Boy transforms into a tyrannosaurus and roars at Newton, who laughs and produces another apple. NEWTON: "It seems you have forgotten about my second law of motion." YEAST BOY: "What's that?" NEWTON: "The bigger they are..." Newton rears back and throws the apple, beaning Yeast Boy on the head. NEWTON: "... the harder they fall!" Yeast Boy screams, crashing to the ground and losing consciousness. BIRDIE: "All right. It's just you and me, Sir Isaac Newton, but I will stop you from destroying the world!" Newton produces another apple and smiles. NEWTON: "We shall see about that." Newton throws the apple, and Birdie leaps out of the way. The apple explodes when it hits the ground, leaving a small crater. Another apple hits the ground, rolls a short distance, opens, and emits visible gravity waves, pulling Birdie towards it. Birdie lands near the apple and leaps over it, dodging the next apple that Newton throws and the explosion from when it hits near the first. Newton throws another apple at Birdie in midair. Birdie swings his staff and launches it behind him, then he lands and stands tall, eyeing Newton with a sly smile. NEWTON: "Are you giving up?" BIRDIE: "If I hit it with sufficient force..." The apple comes careening around from the other direction and crashes into the gravity machine. The machine emits arcs of lightning and begins collapsing in a series of small explosions. NEWTON: "No!!!" Cydork falls to the ground and picks himself up. At the same time, Yeast Boy and the girls wake up and get to their feet. Newton surveys the team standing and his machine destroyed. NEWTON: "You may have beaten me this time, Teeny Tightsclads, but I will return, and next time, you will not stop me!" BIRDIE: "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Sir Isaac Newton!" Newton pulls his cloak over himself and disappears. Raver and Fartfire walk up to each side of Birdie, kiss him on the cheek, and put an arm around him. FARTFIRE: "You're a real hero, Birdie!" RAVER: "And you're very handsome, too!" FARTFIRE: "We're going to have lots of sex with you!" BRAT-MAN: "Rise and shine, Birdie! Don't forget, you have that big physics test today!" Birdie jolts to a sit in his bed. A physics book is on his lap. BIRDIE: "Holy interruptus, Brat-Man! I was having a groovy dream!" BRAT-MAN: "That's just wonderful, Wonderful Boy!" BIRDIE: "Holy Sigmund Freud! It sure was, Brat-Man! I was a superhero just like you! And I had friends! And we were fighting supervillains! And everything!" BRAT-MAN: "Our butler Alfred has made us a nice, complete breakfast with all the major food groups! Don't forget, a well balanced diet is key to a young person's healthy body! BIRDIE: "Golly, Brat-Man! You're a great stepdad! I'm gonna grow up to be big and strong and smart just like you!" BRAT-MAN: "I'm proud of you, Birdie! Now, don't forget to drink your Ovaltine!" BIRDIE: "Oh, I sure will, Brat-Man! I sure will!"